SATURDAY AFTERNOON NO BUENO.

SATURDAY AFTERNOON NO BUENO.

TRIGGER-WARNING

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): a mental health condition that’s triggered by a traumatic or terrifying event – either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares or unwanted memories of the trauma, severe anxiety, depression, avoidance of situations that bring back memories of the trauma, anger, insomnia, heightened reactions, panic attacks, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

NOTE: Triggered by a situation that was not of my making, extra frustrating because I  knew it might happen and gave a warning, and then my warning was ignored.

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Saturday – some time after 2pm:
I can’t focus. I can’t stop crying.
I’m going back and forth between uncontrollable anger and uncontrollable sadness.
Trying to countdown from 10 and can’t make it past 8….
For someone always “in control” this is beyond uncomfortable.

I’m starving because I didn’t have dinner last night and I want to make steak tacos, but as I was pounding the meat a few minutes ago I lost all interest in making food. And as I was losing it again, I thought maybe writing about how I was feeling would help, if not me maybe someone else.

My stomach is growling and bubbling with anxiety, and have a headache that feels like my head is in a pressure cooker, I’m feeling incredibly stressed and also ready to jump into a fight, but there’s no one here but me. And my heart feels like its gonna pop out of my chest like the creature in “Alien”….

There’s football on TV and I don’t care. The sound is off and I’m not able to pay attention to it. And I’m still on the verge of crying. Which is probably better than being balled up in bed weeping like I was 30 minutes ago before I went into the kitchen to make food.

KEEP IT TOGETHER. KEEP IT TOGETHER. KEEP IT TOGETHER.
IT IS NOT A JOKE.
The condition may last months or years, with triggers that can bring back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions.

There are sirens from far away that set me off. I can hear them because I was sitting here in silence, and it’s a beautiful day outside, and the windows are open… but I can’t enjoy the beautiful day and I’m fucking sad. A few hours ago I was raging. Full of anger.
I still want to break something. Or grab a hammer or baseball bat and go to work.
But that’s not allowed.

Taking a lot of deep breaths and keep closing my eyes. And the fucking plumber is here fixing a toilet, so I can’t leave, not that I want to, but I can’t. And he keeps setting of the Ring chime to remind that he’s here fixing the toilet for hours.

And now I’m starving again with a fucking headache and the Ring chime keeps ringing. And now I’m crying again. KEEP IT ToGETHER.
It’s 5:01pm on Saturday. It should have been a nice day.
TOTAL FUCKING BUZZKILL.

Thinking, “should I edit this?” as I read what I wrote……. NO, just gonna leave it alone.
Probably won’t ever get published. PTSD is real. Depression is a killer.

Maybe we should talk about the weather. Out of the corner of our eye, I noticed football was over and boxing was beginning, so I changed the channel to the news and turned on the volume and it was the weather. Now it’s commercials. Volume off again.

Back to sitting here in silence, well not exactly, because the birds are making noise outside the window and the fucking plumber is still here.
Okay going to try food again. That will help with the headache I expect.
KEEP IT TOGETHER. Still just sitting here. 5:15pm
And now we’ve calmed down some, and we feel totally exhausted again. And our neck hurts from the stress. And the news is back on with the sound on and it’s the weather again on another channel. Timelapse of the Aurora Borealis in Finland… wow, we’d like to see that. news and commercials. MUTE.
Do we want food? I have to feed the dogs. 5:25pm

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6:50pm UPDATE: The plumber finished. I thanked him and he left.
I fed and took care of the dogs and then made food. It had a calming effect.
Steak soft tacos with fresh guacamole and cran-raspberry juice for dinner.
Dogs are happy, and resting quietly. I feel better now.
THIS IS NO JOKE. Keep it together. Breathe.

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NOTE: Our calm was restored, and the situation was corrected at 9pm. It was a very difficult day. I continued to work on this Blog Post but did not edit the original section.

People with PTSD are dangerous! There is a risk after the traumatic event of personality changes with serious individual and social consequences.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, there are places to get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available at 1-800-273-8255. You can also chat with them online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/.

Did you know that if you text 741741 when you are feeling depressed, suicidal or anxious, a crisis worker will text you back and continue to text with you? Many people, especially younger folks, do not like talking on the phone and would be more comfortable texting. It’s a free service to ANYONE – teens, adults, etc. – who lives in the U.S. It’s run by The Crisis Text Line and is legit.

Read the previous Blog Post “Depression? Questions to Ask – Before Giving Up!”>
https://joshwilltravel.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/depression-questions-to-ask-before-giving-up/

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It’s ok to not be ok sometimes. People care about you and the world would not be the same without you in it. ❤️

UPDATE: Very stressful Saturday, so we ate all of our See’s Valentine’s Day candies.

Update Monday February 17, 2020:
It took almost a day to recover (yesterday) and to return to “normal” and we are still feeling some after effects from Saturday’s freakout. Reviewing and reflecting on our feelings and trying to process it all. You don’t know about PTSD until you’ve been there.

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Depression? Questions to Ask – Before Giving Up!

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn’t worth living.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, get help right away!

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor and press 1 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line.


Lake Tahoe Sunset (copyright 2014 JoshWilTravel)

Lake Tahoe Sunset (copyright 2014 JoshWilTravel)

Depression? Questions to Ask – Before Giving Up!

Are you hydrated? If not, have a glass of water.

Have you eaten in the past three hours? If not, get some food — something with protein, not just simple carbs. Perhaps some nuts or hummus?

Have you showered in the past day? If not, take a shower right now.

Have you stretched your legs in the past day? If not, do so right now. If you don’t have the energy for a run or trip to the gym, just walk around the block, then keep walking as long as you please. If the weather’s crap, drive to a big box store (e.g. Target) and go on a brisk walk through the aisles you normally skip.

Have you said something nice to someone in the past day? Do so, whether online or in person. Make it genuine; wait until you see something really wonderful about someone, and tell them about it.

Have you moved your body to music in the past day? If not, jog for the length of an EDM song at your favorite tempo, or just dance around the room for the length of an upbeat song.

Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days? If not, do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends or friends’ pets. Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing on them.

Have you seen a therapist in the past few days? If not, hang on until your next therapy visit and talk through things then.

Have you changed any of your medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand? That may be screwing with your head. Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.

If daytime: are you dressed? If not, put on clean clothes that aren’t pajamas. Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.

If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep? Put on pajamas, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes — no electronic screens allowed. If you’re still awake after that, you can get up again; no pressure.

Do you feel ineffective? Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an e-mail, loading up the dishwasher, or packing your gym bag for your next trip. Good job!

Do you feel unattractive? Take a goddamn selfie. Your friends will remind you how great you look, and you’ll help fight society’s restrictions on what beauty can look like.

Do you feel paralyzed by indecision? Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day. If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable. Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.

Have you over-exerted yourself lately — physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually? That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment.

Have you waited a week? Sometimes our perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause. It happens. Keep yourself going for a full week.

Symptoms of Depression:

  • Feelings of sadness, emptiness, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness or unhappiness
  • Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities, such as sex
  • Sleep disturbances, including insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
  • Tiredness, fatigue and lack of energy, so that even small tasks take extra effort
  • Changes in appetite — often reduced appetite and weight loss, but also overeating and increased cravings for food and weight gain in some people
  • Anxiety, agitation or restlessness — for example, excessive worrying, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things that are not your responsibility
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • Frequent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, get help right away!

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor and press 1 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line.

Saturday Farmer's Market in Ashland, Oregon

Saturday Farmer’s Market in Ashland, Oregon

Overlapping haikus (for a friend)

What the f*ck is up?
Your haiku is depressing.
Stop with the bullsh*t.
I hope you feel better now.
Don’t try suicide.
Why do you need a semi-colon?
You have survived.
You are loved by many.
Have a nice today.

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Use the links below to FOLLOW and LIKE us on other social media!

RIGHT CLICK and “OPEN IN NEW WINDOW” TO VIEW LINKS>

LIKE us on Facebook> http://www.facebook.com/joshwilltravel

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RIGHT CLICK AND “OPEN IN NEW WINDOW” TO VIEW OUR YOUTUBE PAGE!>

The “JoshWillTravel AdventureScope” is now available on Youtube!>
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C'mon, this is funny!

C’mon, this is funny!

If you or someone you know is in crisis, there are places to get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available at 1-800-273-8255. You can also chat with them online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/.

Here are some common warning signs of suicide, as provided by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

  • Talking about wanting to die
  • Looking for a way to kill oneself
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
  • Talking about being a burden to others
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
  • Acting anxious, agitated or recklessly
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Withdrawing or feeling isolated
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
  • Displaying extreme mood swings

UPDATED 11-14-19: Did you know that if you text 741741 when you are feeling depressed, suicidal or anxious, a crisis worker will text you back and continue to text with you? Many people, especially younger folks, do not like talking on the phone and would be more comfortable texting. It’s a free service to ANYONE – teens, adults, etc. – who lives in the U.S. It’s run by The Crisis Text Line and is legit.

It’s ok to not be ok sometimes. People care about you and the world would not be the same without you in it. ❤️