Tag Archives: shop

The Cheese Shop Sketch

The Cheese Shop Sketch
by Monty Python’s Flying Circus

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NOTE: Friday was National Cheese Day! So we ripped and edited this sketch.
And then last night PBS had a special about “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” on.
So, here it is. Makes us laugh everytime! Cue the Bouzouki music.

INTERIOR: CHEESE SHOP
(a customer walks in the door.)

Customer (John Cleese): Good Morning.
Owner (Michael Palin): Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah thank you my good man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through ‘Rogue Herrys’ by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
O: Peckish, sir?
C: Esuriant. O: Eh?
C: ‘Ee I were all ‘ungry-like! O: Ah, hungry!
C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, ‘a little fermented curd will do the trick’, so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!
O: Come again?
C: I want to buy some cheese.
O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player!
C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
O: Sorry?
C: ‘Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tune, ‘yer forced to!
O: So he can go on playing, can he?
C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
C: Well, eh, how about a little Red Leicester.
O: I’m, a-fraid we’re fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.
C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
O: I’m afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.
C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
O: Ah! It’s beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
C: ‘T’s Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese? O: Sorry, sir.
C: Red Windsor? O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
C: Ah. Stilton? O: No.
C: Gruyere? Emmental? O: No.
C: Any Norwegian Jarlsberger, per chance? O: No.
C: Liptauer? O: No.
C: Lancashire? O: No.
C: White Stilton? O: No.
C: Danish Blue? O: No.
C: Double Gloucester? O: (pause) No.
C: Cheshire? O: No.
C: Dorset Blue Vinney? O: No.
C: Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l’Eveque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L’Est, Boursin, Bresse Bleu, Perle de Champagne? O: No.
C: Camembert, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Camembert, yessir.
C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It’s ah… it’s a bit runny.
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,.. It’s very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
O: I…think it’s a bit runnier than you’ll like it, sir.
C: I don’t care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
O: Oooooooooohhh……..! (pause)
C: What now?
O: The cat’s eaten it.
C: (pause) Has he? O: She, sir.
(pause)
C: Gouda? O: No.
C: Edam? O: No.
C: Caithness? O: No.
C: Smoked Austrian? O: No.
C: Japanese Sage Darby? O: No sir.
C: You… do have some cheese, don’t you?
O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It’s a cheese shop, sir. We’ve got-
C: No no… don’t tell me. I’m keen to guess.
O: Fair enough.
C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale. O: Yes sir?
C: Ah, well, I’ll have some of that!
O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that’s my name.
(pause)
C: Greek Feta? O: Uh, not as such.
C: Uuh, Gorgonzola? O: No
C: Parmesan? O: No
C: Mozzarella? O: No
C: Pippo Creme? O: No
C: Danish Fimboe? O: No
C: Czech sheep’s milk? O: No
C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese? O: Not -today-, sir, no.
(pause)
C: Aah, how about Cheddar?
O: Well, we don’t get much call for it around here, sir.
C: Not much ca–It’s the single most popular cheese in the world!
O: Not ’round here, sir.
C: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular cheese ’round hyah?
O: ‘Illchester, sir.
C: IS it?
O: Oh, yes, it’s staggeringly popular in this manusquire.
C: Is it?
O: It’s our number one best seller, sir!
C: I see. Uuh… ‘Illchester, eh?
O: Right, sir.
C: All right. Okay. ‘Have you got any?’ He asked, expecting the answer ‘no’.
O: I’ll have a look, sir.. nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
C: It’s not much of a cheese shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district sir!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it’s so clean, sir!
C: It’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
O: (brightly) You haven’t asked me about Limburger, sir.
C: Would it be worth it?
O: Could be.
C: Have you —SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI OFF!
O: Told you sir…
C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
O: No.
C: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place……. Tell me:
O: Yessir?
C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?
(pause)
O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven’t.
O: No sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shoot you.
O: Right-0, sir.
(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the shopkeeper)
C: What a senseless waste of human life.

“And now for something completely different…..”

A wee bit more Monty Python is necessary.

‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
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‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on!
This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be!
‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!
‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace!
If you 
hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies!
‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig!
‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil,
run 
down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!

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Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What… is your name?
Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What… is your quest?
Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What… is your favourite colour?
Sir Lancelot: Blue.
Bridgekeeper: Right. Off you go.
Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. [Crosses the bridge]
safe_image.

Smokin Deals Custom Glass & More

Smokin Deals Custom Glass & More (Smoke Shop) in Ashland, Oregon

There’s a new smoke shop (head shop) on Main Street in Ashland, Oregon! When we were last in town they hadn’t opened yet, so this time we thought we should check them out.

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We walked past and stuck our head in the door on our way between Starbuck’s and the Village Bakery (see the previous Master Blog) and a dog barked at us! We came back and went in to explore the store and met Bear behind the counter:

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Bear the Dog Behind the Counter

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Rolling Papers?

In the front of the store is a nice selection of the typical “Hippie” clothing, t-shirts, hats, bags, e-cigarettes, incense and other accessories:

However, the GOOD STUFF is in the back room!

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The GOOD STUFF is in the Back Room!

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Under Construction!

They were “under construction” in the back room when we visited but they still had more custom glass smoking pieces than I’ve ever seen in one paraphenalia store…

Pipes, Bongs, Waterpipes, Dab Rigs, Hookahs, Vaporizers, More Pipes, More Bongs, etc…

Most of the Good Stuff is made for them by local artists and they make their own stuff too. There’s a great selection of glass art, styles, colors, sizes, variety and item prices available.

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CLICK ON ANY SMALL PIC TO SEE A LARGER PIC AND VIEW THE GALLERY!

CLICK ON ANY SMALL PIC TO SEE A LARGER PIC AND VIEW THE GALLERY!

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Smokin Deals Custom Glass & More (Smoke Shop) – 300 Main St., Ashland, Oregon
541-767-8310 www.smokin-deals.com

NOTE: There are also Smokin Deals Custom Glass Smoke Shops located in Medford, Klamath Falls and Grant’s Pass!

———————————————————————-

4-20! What’s Legal: Educate Before You Recreate in Oregon!
Recreational marijuana is now legal in Oregon. Adults 21 and older can legally possess and use recreational marijuana, but there are limits. It’s important to know what’s legal.

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Go to whatslegaloregon.com for more information

———————————————————————–

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Here’s a handy list of Oregon Health Authority Registered Dispensaries in Ashland, Talent, Phoenix and Medford: (from the Oregon.Gov website as of April 12, 2016)

NOTE: YES in the Retail column indicates recreational sale!

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Want Some Candy? Visit Sweet Offerings Confectionary in Cambria, California!

Want Some Candy?

Visit Sweet Offerings Confectionary in Cambria, California!

While wandering around downtown Cambria we found a sweet candy shop!

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Sweet Offerings Confectionary in Cambria, California

NOTE: I’m a sucker for candy! And I love chocolate! So how could I not walk in to a little shop named Sweet Offerings Confectionary? And I’m really glad I did!

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Sweet Offerings Confectionary in Cambria, California

They offer a “FREE TASTE OF FUDGE” as bait to reel you in the door…

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Sweet Offerings Confectionary in Cambria, California

We tried a taste of the vanilla fudge and a taste of the chocolate fudge. We were also given a “on sale Easter egg” robin’s egg maltball to try and then a pretzel stick dipped in caramel dipped in milk chocolate was offered when we mentioned we were a travel writer.

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Sweet Offerings Confectionary in Cambria, California

Everything we tasted was delicious! And everyone should try the chocolate caramel pretzel stick (we let it get a little soft, but not melty, by leaving it on the car seat at the beach).

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Sweet Offerings Confectionary in Cambria, California

CLICK ON ANY SMALL PIC TO SEE A LARGER PIC AND VIEW THE GALLERY!

The fudge and some of the chocolates are handmade on the premises, and other chocolates and the hard candies are from outside vendors. They have a nice collection of “Old Time Candies” that are sometimes hard to find and a lot of great gift items too.

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2 Kinds of Fudge (sea salt caramel & rocky road), a milk chocolate honeycomb and a sour apple hard candy stick (watermelon stick not pictured)

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Pretzel stick dipped in caramel dipped in milk chocolate for FREE!

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We bought 2 Kinds of Fudge (sea salt caramel & rocky road), a milk chocolate honeycomb and 2 hard candy sticks (sour apple & watermelon) for $15.43
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It’s FUN to be a kid in a candy store!

Big Thanks to Jan the owner for being so friendly and for the freebie. If you’re in Cambria we recommend you visit Sweet Offerings Confectionary!

Sweet Offerings Confectionary4070 Burton Drive #2, Cambria, CA 93428
805-927-9300 www.sweetofferingscandy.com

All photos copyright 2016 JoshWillTravel

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Ignition Gallery and Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps in Ashland, Oregon

Ignition Gallery and Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps in Ashland, Oregon

“In the Tiki! Tiki! Tiki! Tiki! Tiki Room!” All photos copyright 2015 JoshWillTravel.

RIGHT CLICK AND “OPEN IN NEW WINDOW” TO VIEW LARGER PIC!

Ignition Gallery

Ignition Gallery

A very cool retail gift store specializing in Tiki “kitsch”, mugs, Hawaiian shirts, art, tropical decor, rugs & lamps and other stuff:

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ignition Gallery

Ignition Gallery

Ignition Gallery

Ignition Gallery – musical instruments and a light up glass and pink flamingo

Ignition Gallery - Tiki Mugs

Ignition Gallery – Tiki Mugs! Not cheap.

Ignition Gallery

Ignition Gallery – Gift stuff. Not cheap.

Ignition Gallery

Ignition Gallery – Hawaiian Shirts (Mostly new, not vintage)

Ignition Gallery

Ignition Gallery – Wall art and other stuff.

RIGHT CLICK AND “OPEN IN NEW WINDOW” TO VIEW LARGER PIC!

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

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Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps

RIGHT CLICK AND “OPEN IN NEW WINDOW” TO VIEW LARGER PIC!

All photos copyright 2015 JoshWillTravel

Ignition Gallery & Ala Kalika Rugs & Lamps40 N. Main St., Ashland, OR

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Flower of Life Crystal Gallery in Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery in Ashland, Oregon

This store rocks! All photos copyright 2015 JoshWillTravel.

Who doesn’t like crystals? Here’s a retail store devoted just to crystals, rocks and jewelry:

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery - Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – Ashland, Oregon

Flower of Life Crystal Gallery – 40 N Main St, Ashland, OR 97520 www.floweroflifecrystals.com

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07-JUL-13: San Antonio Winery est. 1917 – Downtown Los Angeles

San Antonio Winery est. 1917 – Downtown Los Angeles

San Antonio Winery est. 1917 - Downtown Los Angeles (copyright 2013 JoshWillTravel)

San Antonio Winery est. 1917 – Downtown Los Angeles (copyright 2013 JoshWillTravel)

 

 

San Antonio Winery – 715 Lamar St., Los Angeles, CA 90031  www.sanantoniowinery.com

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