Tag Archives: rules

The 86 Rules of the Bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 86 Rules of the Bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The Bar at the Roof on Wilshire in West Los Angeles, California

First, a very important message for all my Friends:

The Bar at El Torito Mexican Restaurant in Sherman Oaks, California

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE read these rules!!!

NOTE: We ripped these rules from the interweb.
“Learn it. Know it. Live it.”

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar.
Preferably during Happy Hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shots gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.


The Casino Bar at The Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is really dumb.

7. Never bum more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the urge to order a slightly-dirty,
very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist.
Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. DO NOT make eye contact with the bartender if you don’t want a drink.


11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot:
“Great, now I’m going to get drunk.”
“I hate shots.”
“It’s coming back up.”

12. NEVER, ever tell your bartender they made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He’ll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.


The Bar at the Lakeside Cafe in Encino, California

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don’t have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public….
and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.


21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you’re doing the same thing:
urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom.
Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror.
It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout ‘woo-hoo!’
if you are doing a shot with four or more people.


26. If there is a DJ, you can request a song only once per night.
If he doesn’t play it within half an hour, don’t approach him again.
If he does play it, don’t approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin.
You’ll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar.
Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.


Drink this.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months,
you may drink all their beer, even if it’s hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor
only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least 2 cans
before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers.
If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.


Altitude Lounge in San Diego, California – Night

36. If you ever feel depressed, get a bartender’s guide
and then browse thru all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you’re the bar’s only customer,
you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender.
Until he stops acknowledging you. Then you’re off the hook.
The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you.
If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change,
but, once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back.
To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same”
– You are a cheap ass.


The Bar at Kaleidoscope Pizzeria in Medford, Oregon

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is
by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up.
If you break a glass, wait for the staff to clean it up, then blame someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It’s okay to drink alone.

George Thorogood LIVE – “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer”
with Elvin Bishop at the Capitol Theatre on 7/5/1984

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman’s name right after she tells you.
The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams ‘Gay’ louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don’t drink from straws. Unless you’re doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don’t plan to finish it, don’t accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.


The Bar at The Brickroom in Ashland, Oregon

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you’re leaving the bar. (EVERYTIME!)

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don’t know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot.
If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.


56. Screaming, “SOMEONE BUY ME A DRINK!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a 5% better chance you will get in a fight.
There is also a 3% better chance you will lose that fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is HILARIOUS!

59. If you’re broke and a friend is “sporting you”,
you must laugh at all his jokes
and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you’re broke and a friend is “ragging on you”,
you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.


The Bar in Hollywood (that is no longer there)

61. Never rest your head on a table or the bar top.
It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend
and he asks if you want another, always say “YES”.
Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you’re going to hit on a member of the bar staff,
make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

Classic Vodka Martini


2-1/2 oz Vodka (a premium brand)
1/2 oz dry vermouth
Green olives or lemon peel for garnish

Chill a martini glass in advance.
For a stirred martini: 
Pour vodka and vermouth into a mixing glass or shaker filled with ice.
Stir vigorously until chilled (about 20 seconds).
Strain into a martini glass, garnish with olives or lemon peel
For a shaken martini:
Fill a shaker with ice. Add vodka and vermouth. Shake until chilled.
Strain into a martini glass, garnish with olives or lemon peel

See our Cocktail Recipe Pages in the sidebar>>>>
Search for our other (Tiki) Cocktail Recipes and previous Blog Posts!


66. Asking a bartender “what beers are on tap?”
when the tap handles are right in front of you, is just like saying “I’m an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “What’s good tonight?”
They do not fly Scotch in “fresh from the coast” every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks at the bar,
get your damn drink and step the hell away.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family,
your father, your mother, your brothers and sisters.
Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you’re really drunk…. mother.


Poolside Tiki Bar in Las Vegas!

71. It’s acceptable, traditional, in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking.
You will mysteriously reappear, and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night.
Remember, you’re hammered, and they’re sober.
It’s like a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist.
99.9% of the time you’re wrong and, either way, you’re going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you…..
you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly,
wine makes you dramatic, and tequila makes you felonious.

“Jose Cuervo, you are no friend of mine.”

76. The greatest thing a drunk can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. NEVER preface a conversation with your bartender
with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk,
your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months.
To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his/her hands has the right of way.


Smuggler’s Cove Tiki Bar in San Francisco, California

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, DRINK VODKA.
It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon.
Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. An engraved flask is one of the best gifts you can ever give.
And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale,
sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget everyone of of these rules by your fifth drink.


The Bar at Osteria Mozza in Hollywood, California

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Thanks for playing!
Please enjoy a tasty beverage.


Last Call! Closing Time!
Bonus! #87 – “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” 



The Chimneysweep in Sherman Oaks, California

Another answer: Places to stay for Anaheim Convention Centre? Places to stay in L.A., preferably with a pool?

NOTE: This was a question with a very particular requirement, but the information in the answer can be helpful to anyone visiting Los Angeles or Anaheim!

Q: Best places to stay for Star Wars 2015 Anaheim Convention Centre? 

Q: Looking for suggestions of places to stay in L.A., preferably with a pool?

“My son is travelling to California (from Jersey, Channel Islands, United Kingdom) in April 2015 to attend the Star Wars Convention. He and his friends are arriving into LAX around 4 April and leaving the day after the convention on 20 April – the convention runs from 16-19 April….Rather than being stuck out at the convention centre, however, it seems that it takes 2 hours and many changes on public transport to get to convention centre area from Long Beach which is too long. Due to ages of travellers (16-22) hiring a car is probably going to be a no no! Could maybe consider staying in LA for the first part and moving to a hotel near the convention centre for the 2nd part. I’m sure a trip to Disneyland will be on the cards too. My son is blind and has some mobility issues so its useful to bear that in mind. Any info on places/areas to stay and getting around would be very appreciated. Thanks, Emma” ~ Emma T., Jersey, United Kingdom

LAX - Theme Building (copyright 2014 JoshWillTravel)

LAX – Theme Building (copyright 2014 JoshWillTravel)

A: Special Needs Travelers shouldn’t worry about visiting Los Angeles or Anaheim. It just takes proper planning and a good companion. Your son’s blindness and mobility issues shouldn’t prevent him from having a great time in California.

Pico Medical Supply – 6035 W Pico Blvd, L.A., CA 90035 (323) 936-4104 http://www.picomedical.com  If you need a wheelchair (electric or standard), they have the best rental rates. They can also supply other mobility and special needs equipment.

Braille Institute Of America is a good resource if you need information about Los Angeles for the blind. (it’s FREE!) 741 N Vermont Ave, L.A., CA 90029 (323) 663-1111 email: la@brailleinstitute.org http://www.brailleinstitute.org/los-angeles-home-page.html 

Los Angeles Visitor Info: http://www.discoverlosangeles.com

City of Los Angeles Dept on Disability: http://disability.lacity.org

LAX has a Guide for Individuals with Disabilities and provides transportation from gate to curb for Special Needs Travelers 310-337-5005 http://www.lawa.aero

4 April – Arrive LAX Los Angeles International

Free Shuttle to Custom Hotel from LAX, they have accessible rooms if required, and there are places to eat and shop within one block of the hotel. Custom Hotel: 8639 Lincoln Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90045 jdvhotels.com (310) 645-0400

Custom Hotel (copyright 2013 JoshWillTravel)

Custom Hotel (copyright 2013 JoshWillTravel)

Taxi or use Lyft or Uber car service. The Bus Stop is one block away. Journey up Lincoln Blvd to Marina Del Rey, Venice Beach and Santa Monica. (see my other answers for things to do) Culver City has lots of restaurants and things to do as well.

Los Angeles Metropolitan Transit Authority (“the Metro”): Metro Bus & Rail http://www.metro.net – http://www.metro.net/riding/riders-disabilities

Metro strives to ensure that its services (over 200 bus & rail routes) are fully accessible to those with disabilities. To assist those with visual impairments, Metro provides Braille-encoded and large type “Metro Flash Cards” for signaling the correct bus. For information please call 213.922.7023.

Metro is also the primary funding source for Access Services Incorporated, the federally-required ADA paratransit service. This service is offered to individuals whose disabilities prevent them from independently using regular bus or rail service. It’s comparable to fixed-route service and offers 24-hours curb-to-curb service. For information, call Access Services Incorporated at 1.800.827.0829

8 April – 14 April: 6 more days to relocate to another hotel and explore other areas of the city (Hollywood or Downtown L.A. are two good options for destinations, see previous Blogs for details and answers)

Transportation from Los Angeles to Anaheim: Greyhound goes from Union Station via Downtown L.A. to Anaheim for under $20.

Greyhound Bus Lines 1716 E 7th St, Los Angeles, CA 90021 (213) 629-8401 http://www.greyhound.com

14 April – 15 April Disneyland & California Adventure

16 April – 19 April Anaheim Convention Center

Hilton Anaheim, Anaheim Marriott and the Disneyland Hotel are good choices and close to the Convention Center and Disneyland

Disneyland Guest Services: 714-781-4565 https://disneyland.disney.go.com/guest-services/guests-with-disabilities/  Visit the website for “Guests with Disability” info and downloadable guides to the park and services.

Disneyland Fireworks!

Disneyland Fireworks!

Transportation from Anaheim to LAX: return to Union Station via Greyhound and then take the Metro train direct to LAX.



An Act To restore the intent and protections of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990.

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/statutes/ada.cfm http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/statutes/adaaa.cfm

The Architectural and Transportation Barriers Compliance Board shall issue minimum guidelines that shall supplement the existing Minimum Guidelines and Requirements for Accessible Design….supplemental guidelines issued under subsection (a) of this section shall establish additional requirements, consistent with this chapter, to ensure that buildings, facilities, rail passenger cars, and vehicles are accessible, in terms of architecture and design, transportation, and communication, to individuals with disabilities.