SATURDAY AFTERNOON NO BUENO.

SATURDAY AFTERNOON NO BUENO.

TRIGGER-WARNING

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): a mental health condition that’s triggered by a traumatic or terrifying event – either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares or unwanted memories of the trauma, severe anxiety, depression, avoidance of situations that bring back memories of the trauma, anger, insomnia, heightened reactions, panic attacks, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

NOTE: Triggered by a situation that was not of my making, extra frustrating because I  knew it might happen and gave a warning, and then my warning was ignored.

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Saturday – some time after 2pm:
I can’t focus. I can’t stop crying.
I’m going back and forth between uncontrollable anger and uncontrollable sadness.
Trying to countdown from 10 and can’t make it past 8….
For someone always “in control” this is beyond uncomfortable.

I’m starving because I didn’t have dinner last night and I want to make steak tacos, but as I was pounding the meat a few minutes ago I lost all interest in making food. And as I was losing it again, I thought maybe writing about how I was feeling would help, if not me maybe someone else.

My stomach is growling and bubbling with anxiety, and have a headache that feels like my head is in a pressure cooker, I’m feeling incredibly stressed and also ready to jump into a fight, but there’s no one here but me. And my heart feels like its gonna pop out of my chest like the creature in “Alien”….

There’s football on TV and I don’t care. The sound is off and I’m not able to pay attention to it. And I’m still on the verge of crying. Which is probably better than being balled up in bed weeping like I was 30 minutes ago before I went into the kitchen to make food.

KEEP IT TOGETHER. KEEP IT TOGETHER. KEEP IT TOGETHER.
IT IS NOT A JOKE.
The condition may last months or years, with triggers that can bring back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions.

There are sirens from far away that set me off. I can hear them because I was sitting here in silence, and it’s a beautiful day outside, and the windows are open… but I can’t enjoy the beautiful day and I’m fucking sad. A few hours ago I was raging. Full of anger.
I still want to break something. Or grab a hammer or baseball bat and go to work.
But that’s not allowed.

Taking a lot of deep breaths and keep closing my eyes. And the fucking plumber is here fixing a toilet, so I can’t leave, not that I want to, but I can’t. And he keeps setting of the Ring chime to remind that he’s here fixing the toilet for hours.

And now I’m starving again with a fucking headache and the Ring chime keeps ringing. And now I’m crying again. KEEP IT ToGETHER.
It’s 5:01pm on Saturday. It should have been a nice day.
TOTAL FUCKING BUZZKILL.

Thinking, “should I edit this?” as I read what I wrote……. NO, just gonna leave it alone.
Probably won’t ever get published. PTSD is real. Depression is a killer.

Maybe we should talk about the weather. Out of the corner of our eye, I noticed football was over and boxing was beginning, so I changed the channel to the news and turned on the volume and it was the weather. Now it’s commercials. Volume off again.

Back to sitting here in silence, well not exactly, because the birds are making noise outside the window and the fucking plumber is still here.
Okay going to try food again. That will help with the headache I expect.
KEEP IT TOGETHER. Still just sitting here. 5:15pm
And now we’ve calmed down some, and we feel totally exhausted again. And our neck hurts from the stress. And the news is back on with the sound on and it’s the weather again on another channel. Timelapse of the Aurora Borealis in Finland… wow, we’d like to see that. news and commercials. MUTE.
Do we want food? I have to feed the dogs. 5:25pm

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6:50pm UPDATE: The plumber finished. I thanked him and he left.
I fed and took care of the dogs and then made food. It had a calming effect.
Steak soft tacos with fresh guacamole and cran-raspberry juice for dinner.
Dogs are happy, and resting quietly. I feel better now.
THIS IS NO JOKE. Keep it together. Breathe.

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NOTE: Our calm was restored, and the situation was corrected at 9pm. It was a very difficult day. I continued to work on this Blog Post but did not edit the original section.

People with PTSD are dangerous! There is a risk after the traumatic event of personality changes with serious individual and social consequences.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, there are places to get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available at 1-800-273-8255. You can also chat with them online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/.

Did you know that if you text 741741 when you are feeling depressed, suicidal or anxious, a crisis worker will text you back and continue to text with you? Many people, especially younger folks, do not like talking on the phone and would be more comfortable texting. It’s a free service to ANYONE – teens, adults, etc. – who lives in the U.S. It’s run by The Crisis Text Line and is legit.

Read the previous Blog Post “Depression? Questions to Ask – Before Giving Up!”>
https://joshwilltravel.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/depression-questions-to-ask-before-giving-up/

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It’s ok to not be ok sometimes. People care about you and the world would not be the same without you in it. ❤️

UPDATE: Very stressful Saturday, so we ate all of our See’s Valentine’s Day candies.

Update Monday February 17, 2020:
It took almost a day to recover (yesterday) and to return to “normal” and we are still feeling some after effects from Saturday’s freakout. Reviewing and reflecting on our feelings and trying to process it all. You don’t know about PTSD until you’ve been there.

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Brody Stevens RIP – We Enjoyed It

Steven Brody Stevens RIP

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Brody Stevens performs at the last Josh and Josh Show at Bar Lubitsch

Steven Brody Stevens killed himself. He was only 48 years old.
This is horrible and VERY SAD but not unexpected. Mental Illness is not a joke.

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Brody Stevens’ Name on the Comedy Store Marquee….. RIP

We didn’t know Brody. We weren’t friends. We never hung out. We did meet Brody when he was a special guest at our comedy show “The 5 and Dime in Studio City”. We watched his reality show when it was broadcast on cable. We knew about “the incident” on Sunset Boulevard that got him arrested. We became a real fan one night when we found his Periscope channel. We saw him perform live at The Josh and Josh Show a few times, but we watched his live performances on Periscope many times, which he shared every night for a long time, before taping his comedy special. We watched his scopes from his apartment, and his “Steps with Steve” scopes, and in his car driving (while drumming) scopes. Most of the time it was just Brody being weird and real, and it was raw, and sometimes it was hard to watch because he was so f*cked up mentally. But mostly it was entertaining and sometimes pure comedy genius. He was a unique talent, brave to broadcast his comedy direct to his fans and haters (who were there with him every night too), and he knew nobody could steal his act, his off-center jokes, and his catch phrases. “Solo scene on a yoga mat”, “Leather exterior”, “Take my mom to lunch and pay half”, “She’s an UBER driver in Coachella”, just f*ckin’ great jokes and if you knew him, you knew all the punchlines and they were still funny everytime. He was also a big presence on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, using each platform creatively to promote himself. I’ve peppered this Blog Post with more of his comedy in tribute to a man who shouldn’t be dead.

“You’re never alone when you’re bipolar.”

EVERYONE KNEW HE WAS “SUICIDAL” and there was nothing they could do…. all of his FRIENDS loved him and his weirdness, but it wasn’t enough.

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Brody Stevens on the road at the Cabazon Dinosaurs

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Brody Stevens at the Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip

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Brody Stevens Backstage at the Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip

Everyone knew he had mental health issues, it was public knowledge. He did a TV reality show “Brody Stevens, Enjoy It” you can watch on ComedyCentral’s channel and addressed the problems he was experiencing, the drugs that he was prescribed, and his recovery after being “5150” hospitalized for a bipolar incident in 2011. He was very brave to talk about mental illness, his personal issues and his feelings. He was also very frustrated and angry, he was jealous of other people’s success, and he held a grudge hard and was not afraid to air his complaint and grievances publicly. He burned a lot of bridges. He had “run-ins” with the police and other authority figures, and it cost him jobs.

“I’m intense. I get B.O. in the shower.
I get road rage at the car wash” – Steven Brody Stevens

Brody had small speaking roles in films. He was in “The Hangover”, “The Hangover 2” and “Due Date”, but he got cut out of “Funny People”. He “created Chelsea Lately!” Brody was frequent guest on other people’s podcasts and had his own “The Festival of Friendship”.

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The Brody Stevens “Festival of Friendship” – You Got It!

He was incredibly funny, he wrote clever jokes, he loved baseball, the Chicago Cubs, and drumming. He loved his mom and her dog, Daisy. He could improvise on a dime and do weird bits that other comedians would never dream of trying, and he was a master of “crowd work” and warm up. “Arms crossed, negative” was a common line as he broke down the audiences’ defense, crashing through the fourth wall, and attacked them with his aggressive comedic persona. Angry Brody unleashing on an unresponsive audience was a sight to behold! It was “in your face” and mostly unapologetic, and designed to get a real reaction. His daily Periscope broadcasts were GENIUS! He made other comics laugh, and tried to make the world a more positive place. He will be missed.

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CLICK ON ANY SMALL PIC TO SEE A LARGER PIC AND VIEW THE GALLERY
AND THEN CLICK AGAIN TO VIEW THE PIC AT FULL SIZE!

NOTE: This sequence below is from a truly creative Periscope video he shared. Using the delay in broadcast time, Brody engineered a conversation with himself using his iPhone, iPad and GoPro, while still talking to his viewers. It was BRILLIANT!

“You Got It!” – Steven Brody Stevens

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Brody Periscoping from his apartment in North Hollywood

NOTE: Brody often talked about his medication and the drugs he was taking. We read that he had recently changed medication and was taking Lexapro for his depression. He talked about adjusting to it in his last broadcasts and feeling “melancholy”. We looked it up after we heard the news and found reports online from 2005 and 2011 that stated Lexapro (and other drugs like it) can intensify suicidal thoughts and behavior in some cases. Brody was bipolar and the medication may have pushed him over the edge.

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Brody’s Name on The Comedy Store Wall of Fame

Rest in Peace now Prince of Periscope.
Thank you Brody for sharing your one-of-a-kind comedic talent with us!
May the Four Winds blow him safely home.

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Brody Stevens Backstage at the Improv

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A Sketch of Brody Steven, the Prince of Periscope

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“818 ’til I die!” – Steven Brody Stevens

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“POSITIVE PUSH!”

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, get help right away! Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor and press 1 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line.

Read the previous Blog Post “Depression? Questions to Ask – Before Giving Up!”>
https://joshwilltravel.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/depression-questions-to-ask-before-giving-up

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BrodyIsMeFriend – Steven Brody Stevens RIP

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There will be a Benefit on March 5, 2019 at The Comedy Store
for Brody’s Mom and Sister and Mental Health Awareness:

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Tickets are only $30 at thecomedystore.com!

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Brody Stevens RIP and Kevin Short (West Hollywood Jesus) RIP

 


UPDATE: Thursday, March 7, 2019
There was a big Festival of Friendship Benefit to celebrate Brody’s life (and death) at The Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd in West Hollywood on Tuesday night March 5th.

Brody was so happy about getting his name on The Comedy Store wall, and was always concerned about getting his name on the marquee. Well, his name was on the marquee and his friends and the staff at the store had t-shirts made to honor his catch phrase “ENJOY IT!” (and if you knew him, you just read that in his voice with a special inflection)

His friends and fans gathered together, proceeds were donated to a Mental Health charity, there were flowers and photos, and many fine tributes to Brody. There were also other gatherings at other venues and most everyone had at least one Brody story to tell. There were also fan tributes, online tributes, and a lot of immediate media coverage. When the news broke, Brody was trending #1 on Twitter and Facebook. He would have loved that, too bad he was dead. Don’t try suicide. It just leaves a mess behind.

There is a lot of Brody Stevens available on Comedy Central, YouTube, and Social Media!
Brody was “The Prince of Periscope” and he also had accounts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. He appeared on television, the internet, numerous podcasts, and posted his own videos online. He was a tortured soul who left behind an enormous body of work for his fans to remember him by. #BrodyIsMeFriend

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Rest in Peace Brody.



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UPDATED March 10, 2019: There was a gathering at The Comedy Store to “celebrate” Brody Stevens, his friends and comedy friends assembled for this wonderful picture.
There will be another “CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC” gathering tomorrow night (Monday the 11th) at The Comedy Store for his friends.

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Get Your Brody Stevens Suicide Souvenir T-Shirt and Merch!


UPDATED 11-19-19: Brody’s Bench has been installed in Reseda Park! 818 Baby!