An “Adult” Christmas Blog! NSFW?

An “Adult” Christmas Blog! NSFW?
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Happy December Holiday Season again!
We’ve decided to have a little ADULT FUN with this Blog Post! Yes NSFW!

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NSFW! So that means, if “R” Rated humor is offensive to you,
DON’T READ THIS BLOG POST! SCROLL TO THE NEXT ONE! NSFW!

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HO HO HO! “Santa’s gotta stay…”

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!

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Let’s get this party started! (“Let’s get retarded!”) See what I did there?

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“You know that’s not a candy cane in my pocket… I’m just happy to see you.”

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Santa Freud

Q: Ho, Ho, Ho. Wanna see the North Pole?

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Q: Is your name Jingle Bells?
Because you look ready to go all the way.

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#MeToo!

There once was a fellow name Sweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
And just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

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“Excelsior!”

Party time, Roman Style!
Saturnalia
was an ancient Roman festival and an occasion of wild revelry in honor of Saturn in December, a period of general merrymaking and the predecessor of Christmas. Public sacrifices, banquets, feasting, gift-giving, gladiators and gambling!

Gonna Be A GREEN CHRISTMAS This Year!

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Willie Nelson!

Willie Nelson and Friends “Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I’m Gone”

Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg LIVE in Amsterdam! “I Ain’t Superman”

 

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“I Don’t Care Who You Are Old Fatso, Get Those Reindeer Off My Roof!”

Cheech and Chong’s “Santa Claus and His Old Lady” A Christmas Classic!

“Once upon a time, about, hmmm, five years ago, there was this groovy dude
And has name was Santa Claus, y’know? And he used to live over in the
Projects with his old lady, and they had a pretty good thing together
Because his old lady was really fine, and she could cook and all that
Stuff like that, y’know. Like, she made da best brownies in town, man!
Oh, I could remember ’em now, man. I could eat one of ’em, man…”

“Santa Clause and His Old Lady” reached Number 4 on the Billboard Christmas Singles chart when it was released in 1971, then peaked again at number 3 on the same chart in 1972 and 1973. “¿Dónde Está Santa Claus?”

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Q: What do you call Santa’s Elves?
A: Subordinate Clauses.

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Well at least there’s one wise guy…

“The guy who invented Christmas should be nailed to a cross!”

BAD SANTA!

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Q: Why does Santa always come through the chimney?
A: Because he knows better than to try the back door.

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Q: What do three HOs get you?
A: One very jolly Santa.

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CA, OR, WA, NV, CO, AK, VT, MI, MA, ME have made Marijuana Legal in 2018!

CELEBRATE THE END OF MARIJUANA PROHIBITION! 

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O, Canada made Marijuana Legal in 2018!

Don’t forget that the GOP and BIG PHARMA are the ones who caused the “Opioid Crisis” and the deaths of thousands of American citizens.

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JUST LIKE CRAZY OTTO!

Q: What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.

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“Nice package, Santa”

 

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Shaggy inna Baggie! And Scooby with a Doobie! “Ruh-Roh!”

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In their lust for a haul at the mall,
Panty shoppers broke into a brawl.
To put it quite briefly
The reasons are chiefly
Their vainness and greed — a clothes call.

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“It’s Christmas time and my rhyme’s steady bumpin’,
Everybody happy, hair still nappy,
Gonna steal a gift for my old Grandpappy…”

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Santa Snoop!

Hope this Blog Post doesn’t get me or you on the “Naughty List”
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Seriously, if you’re offended, GET A F*CKING LIFE! (and see our previous Blog Posts)

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THIS GUY! (that’s all)

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What day of Christmas is this?

 

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“Johnny said, Devil, just come on back
If you ever want to try again,
I done told you once, you son of a bitch,
I’m the best there´s ever been”


 

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April Fools! St. Stupid’s Day!

APRIL FOOLS!
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ALL FOOLS DAY!

“We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.” ~Japanese Proverb

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Playing the Lord Mayor’s Fool at the Renaissance Faire!

Well, once again Spring has come early, and so too the spaghetti harvest in southern Europe (Italy, Spain and Switzerland). Thankfully, there is no threat to the harvest from the ravenous spaghetti weevil this year and this season’s spaghetti plants will soon be available for purchase on Amazon. Be sure to try your hand at “Homegrown Pasta!”

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Why is there an April Fools Day? Why is it on April 1st?

No one knows for sure.
No, SERIOUSLY, No one knows for sure.
There are several theories:

On the Julian calendar, the one before the adoption of the Gregorian calendar in the 1500s (it was not adopted by England until 1752!), the start of the NEW YEAR was celebrated on April 1st. Something about the French peasants trying to fool friends and family into thinking April 1st was still New Year’s….. and people who still celebrated the old Julian New Year were called April Fools.

Jokes, hoaxes, pranks, practical jokes, sending people on “Fool’s errands” and other light hearted jests are now the order of the day!

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Fool’s Guild King of the Fools Coronation Day Parade for Greg the Obscene Juggler in Agoura, California 1985

Geoffrey Chaucer’s “The Canterbury Tales” (1392) contains the first recorded association between April 1st and acts of foolishness. In medieval times, most of Europe celebrated on March 25, the Feast of Annunciation,  but waited until April 1st to celebrate the beginning of the new year. April Fools Day might have something to do with the Vernal Equinox (March 20-21) and the coming of Spring, a time when nature fools man with changing weather…..

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April 1st – “RABBIT! RABBIT!”

It might commemorate the fruitless biblical mission of The Rook (a European crow) in the Old Testament, sent out on a failed search for land from Noah’s ark:
‘The mistake of Noah sending the dove out of the ark before the water had abated, on the first day of April, and to perpetuate the memory of this deliverance it was thought proper, whoever forgot so remarkable a circumstance, to punish them by sending them upon some sleeveless errand similar to that ineffectual message upon which the bird was sent by the patriarch’ – from the London Public Advertiser March 13, 1769

It might have something to do with Hilaria, the end-of-winter and the end of the Celtic New Year festival celebrated by the Romans. The Hilaria were ancient Roman religious festivals celebrated on the March equinox to honor Cybele, the mother of the G-ds, and to rejoice in the resurrection of Attis, the consort of Cybele. The Romans took this feast from the Greeks and public games, amusements and masquerades were allowed.

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The Attis of Ostia

A life size statue of Attis was discovered at the archeological site of ancient Ostia, the principle port and harbor city of Rome, Italy, between the Tiber River and the Tyrrhenian Sea. The statue is a reclining Attis, after the emasculation. In his left hand is a shepherd’s crook, in his right hand is a pomegranate. He wears a pine garland with fruits, bronze rays of the sun, and on his Phrygian cap is a crescent moon. It was discovered in 1867 at the Campus of the Magna Mater together with other statues.

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YES, YES IT IS STILL AVAILABLE! http://www.periscope.tv/joshwilltravel

Another explanation of the origins of April Fools’ Day was provided by Joseph Boskin, a professor of history at Boston University. He explained that the practice began during the reign of Constantine, when a group of court jesters and fools told the Roman emperor that they could do a better job of running the empire. Constantine, amused, allowed a jester named Kugel to be king for one day. Kugel passed an edict calling for absurdity on that day, and the custom became an annual event. “In a way,” explained Prof. Boskin, “it was a very serious day. In those times fools were really wise men. It was the role of jesters to put things in perspective with humor.”

This explanation was brought to the public’s attention in an Associated Press article printed by many newspapers in 1983. There was only one catch: Prof. Boskin made the whole thing up. It took a couple of weeks for the AP to realize that they’d been victims of an April Fools’ joke themselves.

 

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David and Bonnie at the Coronation of the King of Fools – Irwindale, CA

April 1st is SAINT STUPID’S DAY

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“ALL HAIL ST. STUPID!”

The First Church of the Last Laugh
“ALL HAIL ST. STUPID!”

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April 1, 2017 – The Parade of Stupid in San Francisco!

As always, since the year 1979AD, the FIRST CHVRCH ofthe LAST LAVGH assembles for its one whole-y day and the ST. STUPID’S DAY PARADE each year at (The POINTY BUILDING UP COLUMBUS this year near) the EMBARCADERO PLAZA at the Foot O’Market @ Steuart in the Financial District of Downtown San Francisco on APRIL 1st at NOON (rain and/or shine). Bring socks for the sock exchange, pennies for “Thank The Bank Penny Toss” at the banker’s heart, dead lottery tickets for the blessing at the Federal Reserve (Support your Federal Reserve! Buy a lottery ticket TODAY!) 2017 is the 39th annual Parade! Visit the TOMB O STUPID, join in on the TIGHTENING OF THE LUG NUTZ and take a LEAP OF FAITH at the statue of the Barebutt Mechanics! Bring noise and music makers (drums, horns, bells, slapsticks, etc.) for the exorcism and a well dressed sense of absurdity. Attendance will be taken.

The Pledge (raise your left hand and cross your fingers):
“i pledge allegiance, to the illusion,
and to the pyramid scheme, for which it stands.
One species, in denial, with error and excess, by all.”

St. Stupid Contact: BISHOP JOEY (aka Ed Holmes)
510-841-1898 bishopj@saintstupid.com www.saintstupid.com

“All we are saying is stupid!”

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Sign of Stupid! The Church in no way endorses, advocates or condones graffiti, or the making of your own St. Stupid stickers to place randomly all over the Earth, and in particular, inside the Gideon Bibles in motel rooms.

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The Bologna Brothers Onstage at the Renaissance Faire – Black Point Forest, Novato, CA

Found in Storage:

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Bombay Dry Gin, Stolichnaya Vodka and Johnnie Walker Black Label Scotch Whisky

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A Bottle of Vintage Porto 1983 from Portugal

“I know, I know, but ya know, you never know”

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CHEERS! Johnnie Walker Black 12 year old Scotch Whisky

We found two boxes of old liquor from the old home bar in Storage. We dumped most of it but there were some nice unopened bottles of booze! We kept bottles of Bombay Dry Gin, Stolichnaya Vodka and Johnnie Walker Black Scotch Whisky. And we found a bottle of Porto from 1983 which we are looking forward to opening soon. We gifted the Johnnie Walker Black Scotch Whisky and then we opened the bottle and had a taste. Very smooth.

And just in case:
California Poison Control System (CPCS)

toll-free EMERGENCY hotline: 1-800-222-1222
http://www.calpoison.org

NOTE: Check out our FUN COCKTAIL RECIPES page links in the Sidebar>>>>>

“We have nothing to fear but fear ourselves”

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Superbowl Sunday Party in Sun Valley a few years ago. There was a big screen TV outside in the yard and a 3-D commercial was airing.

“That’s the way St. Stupid would’ve wanted it… had he thought of it.” (from Carrie)

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“We Are All Just Prisoners of Fun!”

Regardless of what you might have heard, the United States Treasury will continue to honor all two-dollar bills still in circulation! Today was not the last day to cash them in.

“So Far, So What?”

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“By Grabthor’s Hammer, what a savings.”

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Can You Read This? This Is Important!

NOTE: Support for this Blog post comes from the Soylent Corporation,
manufacturing protein-rich food products in a variety of colors.



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King of Fools Coronation – Santa Ynez County Park 2001

THE FOOLS GUILD!> http://www.foolsguild.org

The Fools Guild was born in the late 1970s at the Renaissance Pleasure Faire, where the original culprits met while performing as jesters, jugglers, pass-the-hat-acts and mimes.

“The Fools Guild is a disorganization of individuals who identify with the artistic, spiritual or philosophical nature of The Fool. We are an amorphous mass of lively, spontaneous souls who meet throughout the year for unadulterated silliness. We produce three major theme parties a year: Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and the High Feast of April Fools Day. We also get together a lot in between…..We draw inspiration from the archetype of “The Fool”, keeping alive the virtues of playfulness and festivity as a source of creativity and personal fulfillment.” (from the Fools Guild website)

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Fountain at the Four Seasons in Westlake Village, CA

 

MORE JOKERS:

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Mitch Hedberg RIP – “Club Sandwich”

Thinking everyone could use a little humor right about now.
Here’s a funny from the late Great Comedian
Mitch Hedberg RIP – “Club Sandwich”:


“I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man…
I don’t know how I get away with it.
How’d it start anyway?
I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread.
So do I!
Well let’s form a club then.
Alright, but we need more stipulations.
Yes we do; instead of cutting the sandwich once, let’s cut it again.
Yes, four triangles, and we will position them into a circle.
In the middle we will dump chips. Or potato salad.
Okay. I got a question for ya, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?
I’m for ’em!
Well this club is formed; spread the word on menus nationwide.

[ I like my sandwiches with alfalfa sprouts.
Well then you’re not in the f*ckin’ club!” 
]

Join the Club Club!

We joined the Club Club!
Late Lunch delivered from The Nook Restaurant in Encino on Tuesday Afternoon!
On the Menu: Turkey & Bacon Club Sandwich (no tomato or mayonnaise, with yellow mustard, and we also took off the lettuce) on toasted garlic sourdough bread with salted and seasoned fries, a dill pickle and an iced espresso. Yes, frilly toothpicks included.

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Turkey & Bacon Club Sandwich w/Seasoned Fries from The Nook Restaurant in Encino

The Club Sandwich first appeared in 1894 at the famous Saratoga Club-House (originally called Morrissey’s Club House) an exclusive gentlemen only gambling house in upstate Saratoga Springs, New York where the potato chips was created.

The oldest recipe for the club sandwich was published in the Good Housekeeping Everyday Cook Book, by Isabel Gordon Curtis in 1903

The 1904 Worlds Fair in St. Louis helped popularized the club sandwich with four of the restaurants including a version on their menus.

The Nook Restaurant17316 Ventura Blvd, Encino, CA 91316 (CVS Shopping Center)
818-385-1271  www.breakfastatthenook.com
NOTE: Open for breakfast and lunch Only!

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Read the Previous Blog! 
“National Donut Day and a Tribute to Mitch Hedberg” >
http://wp.me/p3dhVM-1zk

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33 years ago! Do you know where you were?
Grateful Dead Recorded Live: 12/28/1983
San Francisco Civic Auditorium in San Francisco, CA
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