Tag Archives: alcohol

The 86 Rules of the Bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 86 Rules of the Bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The Bar at the Roof on Wilshire in West Los Angeles, California

First, a very important message for all my Friends:
PLEASE 
DRINK RESPONSIBLY!
GET HOME ALIVE, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!
“KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN!”
“FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS DRIVE DRUNK!”

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The Bar at El Torito Mexican Restaurant in Sherman Oaks, California

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE read these rules!!!

NOTE: We ripped these rules from the interweb.
“Learn it. Know it. Live it.”

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar.
Preferably during Happy Hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shots gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

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The Casino Bar at The Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is really dumb.

7. Never bum more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
NOTE: DON’T SMOKE CIGARETTES!

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the urge to order a slightly-dirty,
very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist.
Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. DO NOT make eye contact with the bartender if you don’t want a drink.

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11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot:
“Great, now I’m going to get drunk.”
“I hate shots.”
“It’s coming back up.”

12. NEVER, ever tell your bartender they made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He’ll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

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The Bar at the Lakeside Cafe in Encino, California

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don’t have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public….
and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

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21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you’re doing the same thing:
urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom.
Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror.
It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout ‘woo-hoo!’
if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

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26. If there is a DJ, you can request a song only once per night.
If he doesn’t play it within half an hour, don’t approach him again.
If he does play it, don’t approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin.
You’ll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar.
Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

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Drink this.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months,
you may drink all their beer, even if it’s hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor
only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least 2 cans
before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers.
If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

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Altitude Lounge in San Diego, California – Night

36. If you ever feel depressed, get a bartender’s guide
and then browse thru all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you’re the bar’s only customer,
you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender.
Until he stops acknowledging you. Then you’re off the hook.
The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you.
If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change,
but, once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back.
To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same”
– You are a cheap ass.

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The Bar at Kaleidoscope Pizzeria in Medford, Oregon

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is
by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up.
If you break a glass, wait for the staff to clean it up, then blame someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It’s okay to drink alone.

George Thorogood LIVE – “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer”
with Elvin Bishop at the Capitol Theatre on 7/5/1984

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman’s name right after she tells you.
The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams ‘Gay’ louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don’t drink from straws. Unless you’re doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don’t plan to finish it, don’t accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

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The Bar at The Brickroom in Ashland, Oregon

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you’re leaving the bar. (EVERYTIME!)

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don’t know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot.
If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

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56. Screaming, “SOMEONE BUY ME A DRINK!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a 5% better chance you will get in a fight.
There is also a 3% better chance you will lose that fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is HILARIOUS!

59. If you’re broke and a friend is “sporting you”,
you must laugh at all his jokes
and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you’re broke and a friend is “ragging on you”,
you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

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The Bar in Hollywood (that is no longer there)

61. Never rest your head on a table or the bar top.
It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend
and he asks if you want another, always say “YES”.
Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you’re going to hit on a member of the bar staff,
make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.


Classic Vodka Martini

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Ingredients:
2-1/2 oz Vodka (a premium brand)
1/2 oz dry vermouth
Ice
Green olives or lemon peel for garnish

Directions:
Chill a martini glass in advance.
For a stirred martini: 
Pour vodka and vermouth into a mixing glass or shaker filled with ice.
Stir vigorously until chilled (about 20 seconds).
Strain into a martini glass, garnish with olives or lemon peel
For a shaken martini:
Fill a shaker with ice. Add vodka and vermouth. Shake until chilled.
Strain into a martini glass, garnish with olives or lemon peel

See our Cocktail Recipe Pages in the sidebar>>>>
Search for our other (Tiki) Cocktail Recipes and previous Blog Posts!


whining

66. Asking a bartender “what beers are on tap?”
when the tap handles are right in front of you, is just like saying “I’m an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “What’s good tonight?”
They do not fly Scotch in “fresh from the coast” every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks at the bar,
get your damn drink and step the hell away.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family,
your father, your mother, your brothers and sisters.
Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you’re really drunk…. mother.

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Poolside Tiki Bar in Las Vegas!

71. It’s acceptable, traditional, in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking.
You will mysteriously reappear, and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night.
Remember, you’re hammered, and they’re sober.
It’s like a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist.
99.9% of the time you’re wrong and, either way, you’re going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you…..
you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly,
wine makes you dramatic, and tequila makes you felonious.

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“Jose Cuervo, you are no friend of mine.”

76. The greatest thing a drunk can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. NEVER preface a conversation with your bartender
with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk,
your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months.
To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his/her hands has the right of way.

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Smuggler’s Cove Tiki Bar in San Francisco, California

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, DRINK VODKA.
It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon.
Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. An engraved flask is one of the best gifts you can ever give.
And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale,
sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget everyone of of these rules by your fifth drink.

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The Bar at Osteria Mozza in Hollywood, California

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Thanks for playing!
Please enjoy a tasty beverage.

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Last Call! Closing Time!
Bonus! #87 – “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” 

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PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY!
GET HOME ALIVE, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!
“KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN!”
“FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS DRIVE DRUNK!”

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The Chimneysweep in Sherman Oaks, California




Hello 2017…. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hello 2017…. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

“We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.” ~ Japanese Proverb

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HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017 HOUSE PARTY!

December 31st, 2016 – 10pm PST – Burbank, California

The Annual HAPPY NEW YEAR’S EVE HOUSE PARTY at KJ and Steve’s!

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Not This Year’s Invitation, but You Never Know…

It’s 2017!

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Top Hat and Champagne Poppers for New Year’s Eve!

The last third of 2016 really kicked our ass. We really weren’t feeling up to a big party this year and were really prepared to stay home with the dogs and ring in 2017 quietly. We were invited to a couple of parties and a couple of big events, but at the invitation of an old friend, we decided to venture out into the night and attend the Annual Happy New Year’s Eve Party at KJ and Steve’s in Burbank once again. This party has been happening every year since the 1980’s…

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35 YEARS+ of Friendships! Old Friends who are now really old old friends! Marriages, relationships, divorces, births, deaths, illnesses, good times and bad.
There’s a lot of history, stories and good memories associated with the house and all the fun times we’ve had at the many birthday and holiday parties held there over the years.

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Happy New Year House Party Pic – Late 1990’s (with lots of children – not my pic)

The parties are not as rowdy as they used to be in the 80’s and 90’s, and all the children who used to run around the house are all grown up (some with children of their own), as are most of the adults now…

Tempus fugit! Time flies! In the old days this was a “destination” party and people would come from out-of-town and camp in the backyard! There were years when it was standing room only and other years when there wasn’t an invitation sent out and only a few people showed up. You never knew who might be in attendance from year to year, or who might stop by on their way to another party. And then some people stopped coming. A lot of the “regulars” from the past have moved away, found other parties, grown old or now only celebrate with us in spirit. And some of the younger party guests weren’t even born when the celebration first took place!

And so, with the coming of the New Year,
THE HAPPY NEW YEAR HOUSE PARTY CONTINUES!
Here are some Happy New Year 2017 House Party pics!

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Happy New Year Tradition! Old Friends by the Fire!

CLICK ON ANY SMALL PIC TO SEE A LARGER PIC AND VIEW THE GALLERY!

In the old days the party would continue until dawn and guests would literally be passed out on the floor. We last attended this party at the end of 2013 when everyone went home just after midnight and a family card game broke out in the living room. We always bring a nice bottle of champagne or fine wine as a gift for our hosts whenever we visit for New Years. In the past we’ve also brought a bottle of Stolichnaya vodka (size might vary from year to year and decade to decade) for our own consumption and to share, along with mixers, snacks and other refreshments. This year we just brought a big bottle of nice wine (a Malbec from Argentina) for our hosts and a single can of coke that we plugged with a single shot of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum for old times sake.

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Have an Adult Beverage! Beer! Wine! Champagne! Cocktail! Choose Your Poison!

CLICK ON ANY SMALL PIC TO SEE A LARGER PIC AND VIEW THE GALLERY!

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Gather Around the Fire and Catch Up With Old Friends!

The tradition of the circle of friends around the fire began when the firepit was just a hole with a gas pipe sticking out of it. In the old days when the gas was off we burnt wood in the red brick firepit (and often things that were not wood would be thrown in the fire). Now it’s a large cinderblock pit designed for a party with an adjustable gas flame, but the tradition continues. (Who threw the plastic champagne popper in there?)

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The Old Red Brick Fire Pit

CLICK ON ANY SMALL PIC TO SEE A LARGER PIC AND VIEW THE GALLERY!

The house is designed for a party. There’s a large living room, the kitchen and the food table, the covered back patio and bar area, the firepit, the pool area and hot tub, the office and the bedrooms. In recent years, modular units (more rooms) have been added as additional party space. The house and backyard are always decorated with a lot of festive lighting and there’s always a real fire in the indoor fireplace.

Regardless of the weather conditions in December, it’s always been an indoor-outdoor event. Some years it’s been “California freezing” cold or there’s been rain, but the party goes on regardless and the celebration adjusts accordingly. And just like the Rose Parade, the weather has never prevented those in attendance from having a good time!

This year it was cold outside, but not freezing. And someone who won’t be named turned the gas for the firepit all the way up to “Viking Funeral” level so it was nice and warm around the outdoor fire. Everyone ate and drank and some of the boys smoked cigars.

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Single Malt Scotch and Fine Cigars with Old Friends

Tradition also has everyone gathering in the living room and on the patio for the Midnight Countdown and “Stroke of Midnight”. Helium balloons filled with glitter and confetti are popped, people are kissed and everyone toasts the New Year at twelve o’clock. There’s also a large artist pad and box of colored pens, and anyone can sign or draw on the page for the current year. And the old pads and pages going back to the 1980’s are available for viewing (and reminiscing about the past).

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Balloons Filled with Glitter and Confetti…

There’s always too much food! It’s sort of a potluck, and some people bring food, but our gracious hosts always provide Dinner and Snacks for everyone! It’s also BYOB (Bring Your Own Beer or Alcohol) but there’s always a full bar too. In the old days, there used to be a row of “personal coolers” filled with people’s own preferred drinks and snacks.

On The Dinner Menu: Cheese Lasagna, “Navy Boy’s macaroni & cheese”, ham, green bean casserole, chips, more chips, nuts, cookies, carrot cake and more. An assortment of non-alcoholic beverages: coffee, tea, sodas, juices and bottle water are provided too.

Food, Drink and Other Pics from the House Party:

CLICK ON ANY SMALL PIC TO SEE A LARGER PIC AND VIEW THE GALLERY!

We ate some lasagna, reheated in the microwave, then enjoyed an adult beverage: a Coke&Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum, and then a wee bit of McCallan Gold blended scotch, and then a really wee bit of Glenfidditch single malt scotch, and then later we ate some good munchies: Doritos nacho cheese chips & honey roasted cashews.

NOTE: We tried it and it was not the “Best Damn Root Beer”… sorry. It was “hard” root beer (with alcohol) and tasted like diet soda, so we only had a sip and then gave it away. DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE! We stopped drinking before midnight (and we really didn’t drink very much at all) and then waited until after 2am when the party was done before driving home (and there’s always room to crash at the house if you’ve had too much!).

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The Road Home – Don’t Drink and Drive!

It was great to see our old friends and celebrate together again! It was a warm and fuzzy place to ring in 2017 and a good time was had by all. Thanks to everyone for the fun party!

All photos copyright 2017 JoshWillTravel (unless otherwise noted)

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Post-Party Breakfast at 3am

January 1, 2017 – 3am PST – Breakfast at Home
On The Menu: 3 eggs over medium, crispy bacon, pink grapefruit, a leftover donut with chocolate frosting and sprinkles, and an espresso with whipped cream


A New Year’s Message for all My Friends!
READ THE BLOG “HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017!”> http://wp.me/p3dhVM-6eN

This Blog first posted on Monday, January 2, 2017 at 4:20pm PST
HAPPY NEW YEAR! KEEP ON TRUCKIN’!

 


 

 

 

04-MAY-13: Kentucky Derby Day!

May 4, 2013

May 4, 2013 – Louisville, Kentucky

Derby Day!

The Kentucky Derby has been run every year since 1875!

Derby Day! Have a Mint Julep!

Derby Day! Have a Mint Julep!

“I must….descant a little upon the mint-julep, as it is, with the thermometer at 100 degrees F., one of the most delightful and insinuating potations that ever was invented, and may be drunk with equal satisfaction when the thermometer is as low as 70 degrees.” – Captain Frederick Marryat’s diary (1838)

Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs

Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs – Louisville, Kentucky

The Kentucky Derby is a horse race for three-year-old thoroughbreds, held annually in Louisville, Kentucky, on the first Saturday in May. The race is one and a quarter miles at Churchill Downs.  The race is known as “The Most Exciting Two Minutes In Sports” or “The Fastest Two Minutes in Sports” for its approximate duration, and is also called “The Run for the Roses” for the blanket of roses draped over the winning horse.

The Mint Julep, an iced drink consisting of bourbon, mint and a sugar syrup, is the traditional beverage of the race. The historic drink can be served in an ice-frosted silver julep cup, but most Churchill Downs patrons sip theirs from souvenir glasses (first offered in 1939 and available in revised form each year since) printed with all previous Derby winners. Also, Burgoo, a thick stew of beef, chicken, pork and vegetables, is a popular Kentucky dish served at the Derby.

“The sun shines bright on my ol’ Kentucky home….”
“My Old Kentucky Home” became the official state song of Kentucky in 1928.
In 1986 the word “darkies” was changed to “people”.

It’s National Travel & Tourism Week!
Where do you want to go?

U.S. Travel Association - www.ustravel.org

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UPDATED! 7 May 2016 – Derby Day Again!

Last Year in 2015, American Pharoah won the ‪Kentucky Derby‬, the Preakness and the Belmont Stakes to complete the ‪Triple Crown‬!

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American Pharaoh wins the Belmont Stakes and the Triple Crown!

 

UPDATED 4 MAY 2019 – It’s Derby Day again!

Read the NEW BLOG POST “The 145th Kentucky Derby 2019” > https://joshwilltravel.wordpress.com/2019/05/04/the-kentucky-derby-2019/

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